He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
