my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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