stop calling my apartment porn island.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
