i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
