she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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