I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
