therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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