yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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