It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
