Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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