Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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