lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
