wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
