I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize