Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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