so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
