Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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