Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
