Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Send help, water and tortillas.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize