She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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