Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
