Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
