You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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