Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
