i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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