She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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