once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
