Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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