so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
