he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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