I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
