He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He felt like a one man threesome
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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