I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just had sex on a roof
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
not ubering you a puppy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
