Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
