apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She bit a glass in half.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
