You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
