You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
