Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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