She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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