Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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