I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
