Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
