And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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