Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
