dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
