The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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