ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
