I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You made out with two different species that night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need water and some morals
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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