Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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