Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
