you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
