Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
