'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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