i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
