Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
