There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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