I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I came so hard my ears popped.
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