my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
there is glitter all over my balls
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize