I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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